I ran across this post on Pinterest yesterday and it had me stuck but inspired!

Self Disclosure: I have personally always struggled with letting things go. Ironically, before seeing this particular post I found myself reflecting on my inability to let things go to myself and through conversations with friends- consciously and unconsciously. So naturally, seeing this post made me pause and made me sit in it. It helped me. It help me decide to finally start accepting and dealing with this. It helped me realize when you choose to let go you decide to move forward and not turn back!

In making the choice to deal with this, a funny yet very resonating thought came to mind. This thought made me realize its not just with men, or jobs, or friends who truly are not well for me, its with a lot of things in my life… I hate the feeling itself of letting go. Regardless who you are what the situation may be, I hate this concept!

I remember leaving my charter school for middle school in the 6th grade vividly to this day! I remember walking around the house confused and thinking, “are my parents serious?” “They can’t be, why!” I remember yelling and crying to my parents, and feeling sooo devastated! “How could you? Why would you?” Well not yelling yelling. You know the I haven’t lost my mind yelling at you- but more of the please feel and hear my hurt, I am hurting yelling! I aint crazy!

At an early age, I valued friendships, well like most youth my friends were my world! I knew by leaving the school that I had attended for years meant my friendships that were built since 1st grade would not be the same regardless what they told me. And this was a huge loss for little ole me. I did not want to move forward with this and I just knew things would change, and not the way I wanted…and I was right! My crew remained friends yet, being young and without phones and lacking the accessibility many kids have now -I was no longer apart of the crew. I no longer had that consistent, genuine, friendship in my life.

Imagine black girl magic at 10, instructed by all black scholars and raised by a true black village! We were lit! I did not want to go to a public school with all those white people (** sorry real thoughts**) I knew it would be hard and uncomfortable to adjust, and I did not want to let go of my daily routines, my daily comfort, and truly my second home and family!

I continue to look back at yesterday or the years before and I do not enjoy the beauty in focusing on the future as much as I should. Reflecting more on this childhood story there was a more for sure sign I didn’t know how to let go and I did not have an easy time with it…

I entered my new school on all types of craziness that I bet my friends I later met did not know to this day. I was fighting, like wait outside the temp/portable to lay you down fighting, being called a bully by parents at this new school (who daughters called me gay and weird, but I was the bully)! Meanwhile I am low-key still confused and hurt about why my today doesn’t look like my yesterday, in reality! “This would not be happening if you would have allowed me to stay at UA!”

Fast forward to adult years, here we are! I still struggle with letting go.

A lot of this has to do with me knowing when I finally accept to move forward and let go of people, or when I am removed or remove myself from things or places- I really LET GO. I let go to where if you deserved a rightful chance but didn’t attempt to take advantage of utilizing while I was dwelling in yesterday and I finally see tomorrow, I do not give that chance. And that is not always right…or is it?

I try so hard in the now, and sometimes I feel it should be a balance on my end! But forget a balance and waiting – deep down that’s allowing chances that’s only telling people what they are doing is okay or acceptable and it’s not!

Professionally and personally I am beginning to see the beauty in letting go but more so the beauty in the hope and future of what is ahead! Here are the main reasons that are going to allow me to become better and that this and the main reasons I feel one should simply let go:

• Dwelling in yesterday forces you miss the blessings of today.
• Whatever is truly meant will truly find it’s way back to your life. Say you really the work but your work atmosphere is not aligning with you or your beliefs and is effecting you. That joy, feeling, or pay you feel is meant for you will find its way to you ten fold.
• The situations or people you struggle to leave often are not deserving of your presence.
• You deserve better
• Their is beauty in change but you have to be present to see it.

☺️🌻

#namaste

-with love T-Shell