Have you ever prepared yourself mentally to miss a holiday with your family for weeks and months in advance but the week of that holiday comes and all of sudden you forget to utilize any coping skill you have used years before and pretty much send yourself into the saddest mood ever? No? Well me either until this week, the week of Thanksgiving. I found myself regretting not biting the bullet and purchasing a flight to go home to Texas. Although I had decided a while ago due to personal goals it will be okay to miss this year as long as I made sure I visited Texas for Christmas. Yet, somehow, I found myself at my desk Wednesday morning tearing up a tad bit as I received family texts about flight arrivals and Thanksgiving day eating plans! Yeah it just hit me.
Now that I reflect it could have been because the small plans that I attempted to arrange with friends in DC sort of fell apart with no warning. Now I didn’t have the typical Friends-giving to help my little hopeless heart feel a sense of belonging, family, love, and warmth. And there was really no time to arrange something with others so I was fine with settling on spending the holiday alone or with my friend Tanisha who is also from Texas and in the city for work. I began to not have the energy to care and I told myself it’s not that big of a deal have a day of reflection and self care.
Thankfully I serve a God who shows his love for me even when I literally can’t tell myself and my heart what we are need of at the moment in time. Here I was, trying to prepare myself to be content with being alone. Which is fine, I’ve done it before but then I was content. Deep down, this year, this week, I really was not happy or fine with being alone, and that is okay as well. One just has to get to the point of being open to giving yourself the exact energy it is needing, even if that means going back on a prior decision or in my situation… opening your mouth to ask others if they have room for one or two others to join their plans.
I shared a bit of my sadness with others via Instagram, more of a joke and helping myself deal but in return I received unexpected responses from many friends that I gained four years ago in grad school offering their homes and time with their family! Of course this made me cry more to see and witness love from others in such an underserving way. I wrote a blog last month about how gratitude is humbling. I was so thankful for the responses that I really would have had one of the best Thanksgiving to date, being alone, and reflecting on those individuals offers alone. No one had to invite me and to have more than one person send such a thing, and mean it, it means a lot. Moments like these shows and offers the love of Christ amongst others and it is one of the most incredible feelings in the world. My heart was pleased but I became happier knowing that our Father above was most pleased with His servants!
Yesterday was everything. I began an early morning meeting my dear friend Joanna who is from Connecticut. We packed up our food dishes and belongings then headed to pick up Tanisha. Once we were all together we headed out to Middletown, Delaware where Joanna’s beautiful family welcomed Tanisha and myself into their authentic, loving, home! I learned I am a hugger yesterday, I walked into her uncles home hugging everyone as if I had met them at least once, twice, or a few times :)! Nope, it was my first time and it wasn’t awkward and thankfully they hugged back. It’s like we all got it!
2 Corinthians 9:11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
Yesterday was beautiful. I now hear God telling me to recall this moment, that day, remember these feelings, remember how others allowed me to enter their home, who gave without asking, who shared laughs, and who stopped you as you attempted to fold the blanket they so kindly covered you with as you knocked out while your Cowboys beat the Redskins! Remember and apply this kind of love, this kind of giving, every chance you can because this is giving thanks to God!
To Joanna and her loving family I am grateful for your Christ like hearts and sharing yourselves with me and my friend on such a beautiful day! One of the fastest but meaningful days of the year-a day where we all put our own agendas to the side to create one of our owns- with food, drinks, and laughs!
Of course I had to share a picture of my own family (-) me!
Happy Holidays Beauts & Gents,
P.S. Thanks for allowing me to continue to kidnap you while you’re here!